A Thousand Years

I hate having that word in my mind. Regret.


Why should we ever regret anything? I hate thinking about... what if. or what could have happened. or what would have happened.


It didn't happen for a reason right? Why should I be lead to believe that my life would have been any better if I went down that path? How different would my life be if I went to Bellaire High school instead of DeBakey? How different would it be if I didn't break up with my ex girlfriend?


I feel like everyone always has these thoughts. That maybe life could be so much more different, not necessarily better, than it is right now. For better or for worse. Would you go back and do something different? If you had a chance to go back right now and change one thing in your life that could potentially alter the rest of your life, would you do it without knowing if it would be good or bad?


I think my problem is that I just hate losing people in my life. I don't care what you did or what happened but I feel like there should be no reason to lose touch. Maybe I'm just touchy about the subject because my ex-girlfriend defriended me from facebook but shit... that's a first for me. Not saying that I care but it obviously shows in certain ways.


I love my life right now. I have a great girlfriend, support group of friends, career in the future, caring family, etc. The list just goes on and on. There should be no reason for me to question my past. But how come it still comes up?


Maybe it is just the mystery of the "what if's" and things you passed up. There's no point in looking back because you can't go back right? You can't just relive high school because that's just not possible.


I guess all you can really do is learn like everyone else and make decisions you won't look back on in the future. I know I've made some damn good decisions in my life so far. And some... not so great. But hey, who am I to be anywhere close to perfect?