Another Life?

     I randomly fell across this YouTube video of Brian Puspos which I really dig. I wonder how I missed it two months ago when it came out. I must be out of the loop but I didn't even know that he sang! So not only can this guy dance, but he can sing. Wow. I'm stunned and while I'm watching this music video... I start to wonder.

     Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live another life? To have followed a completely different path that wasn't meant for your current life? And I'm talking about things that you can't change very easily. I wonder what it's like to be an artist; nothing specific though. I wonder what it's like to have a breakthrough and be so passionate about a thought or idea and have it come to life. Is my definition of an artist correct though? Or am I fabricating what I'd like it ideally to be? I imagine artists to be creative, inspirational, passionate, driven, and free flowing. Am I wrong to assume that? I'm thinking I have some jealousy when I see successful artists. I know it must've taken countless hours, days, months, and years of dedication to get to where they are at. I can only imagine how much fulfillment they get to see their creation or project come to life and to be shared with the entire world. How beautiful. How glorious. How exciting is it to be able to share something that you created and have the world appreciate such an amazing work of art? Now this can apply to a painter, dancer, singer, DJ or any person in the creative industry. I wish I was a little more talented when it comes to creative activities. But I definitely appreciate when other people are so talented. It's such a pleasure and honor to be able to see their thoughts in their own medium.

     I'll always wonder because I will never be in a position to experience such an opportunity. I applaud all you out there that have that chance. Don't take it for granted. Keep up the great work!

Where Do I Fit In?

     There's that feeling that lingers whenever you're watching people's lives through social media where you wonder if you're missing out on life and why aren't you part of the fun. I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel when that comes around. I'm a firm believer where you shouldn't feel sad or upset because you aren't invited or not included. There's no reason to be bothered by something so minuscule because it doesn't help anything. So my question is... how are you supposed to feel and why do I feel like this?

     I wouldn't say that I'm upset. Is this what they call fomo (fear of missing out)? It can't be. I feel like even if I was there, I wouldn't fit in. I'd be awkward. I'd have nothing to say. Are they waiting for me to say something? Fuck, it's taking me too long to reply. Yes, this is what I do now. People say I'm the outgoing type, I make great conversation, and I can make people laugh. I think one of those three things are true. I don't fit in well in a group setting. I thrive in a personal setting because a one on one conversation is much more meaningful. The art of conversation is being able to keep it flowing. There will be awkwardness at times. Blanks in your mind. Thoughts that wander into the darkest corners of your mind. You have to refrain from saying too much to expose yourself but just enough for people to want to know more. How do you keep them engaged? How do you keep them interested? Do they even care? Hm.

     I'm pretty fortunate to know a good amount of people in my life. I do consider most of them my friends. But, I don't feel like I have close friends. Not even a handful. And it puzzles me on why I feel like this. I make good connections and spend time to foster these relationship but why do I feel like I'm not close. Is it because I don't open up enough to them or it because they don't trust me enough to come to me? I've wanted my whole life to connect with a single person to the point where you go to them with EVERYTHING to spill, pour, and cry your soul out to them. I've had a handful of people I've been able to do that to, but, I haven't received it back. I feel like I'm always one person away. There's always that one person that is ahead of me that they value more than they value my friendship. It's not that I need to be first... or is it? I'm used to finishing second; it is not a new feeling to me. This is probably why I hate losing. I'm competitive because second feels like shit. Yes, you got close to winning but that's what makes it even worse because you were right there and couldn't close out. It's much easier to give up and be a disappointment than to live up to your potential.

     I realize that I like to ask a lot of questions while I write. Is that a good or bad thing? Meh.

     Till next time, my friends.

   

The Purpose.

     What is the purpose for us blogging? Is it really for yourself or more more public display? Do I really want people reading and knowing everything about my life? I've found that posting about your life daily helps you come back in the future to remember. In the end, all we have is our memories. Why not record it so you never forget?

     Does it make sense that I don't tell anyone about my blog but secretly hope someone to stumble upon it and enjoy it?

     These posts tend to happen at the latest/earliest hours of the day when I can't sleep or when I wake up randomly.

     Side note: I have an amazing girlfriend.

     This song that I'm jamming to right now is a little creepy. The beats are dope but there are sounds of kids playing by the pool in the background and I don't know how I feel about it. (Poolz - Wondering why)

Reinvent Yourself

     I feel like I'm always trying to reinvent myself.

     I am never really happy with where I am in life. There's always something I think I can change or do to make things more enjoyable or likable. At the end of the day, I'm a type of person where I want everyone to notice me, like me, and remember me. As conceited and shitty as it sounds, I am that person.

     Maybe reinvent isn't the best word but I feel like I'm trying to change so someone will notice me for who I am and respect what I stand for as a person - my ideals, my thoughts, and my feelings.

     I've never really fit in to a certain group. People can say that it's because I bounce from group to group but it isn't by choice. I always get situated into this amazing group of friends that I feel like I belong and then next thing you know, I realize I don't. Everyone I know has someone they grew up with and are best friends with forever. I've never had a person like that. There is only so much of a bond you can build with certain people. You can't expect something to form over a period of years that wasn't there to begin with. And that's my problem, I think. I keep expecting something amazing from my friends and how they will want to be my friend. When in reality, I just want them to be my friend.

     When it comes down to it at the end of the day, I just feel like I don't belong. How many times do I have to bounce around till I can feel accepted? Maybe I don't need to do that when I reinvent myself. I'll be able to feel accepted by myself and other people will come to me.

     Who knows.

/thoughtsofthedayover

Lately.

      So lately I've been having this internal conflict on the way I write. I can't really seem to figure out how to write. There's no real certain way I want to write but I just feel like I should be able to portray my feelings to where others will comprehend. It's tough. I can't seem to get it right.

     I can write perfectly fine when I'm talking about the most trivial things. But when it comes to something I'm passionate about, I freeze. I can't seem to write about cars or my damn book. What am I supposed to do? Giving up on writing isn't an option because that's just some stupid shit. Seriously. So the only option is to keep writing and trying to figure out the style I write in?

     I'm trying one of those things where I just keep writing and flowing. I'm not stopping and just putting down whatever is in my mind in words.

     Fuck.

Blacksmith

     The long awaiting establishment that many of people have been patient for to open is finally here! A handful of people have already told me amazing things about this place before even going. I was so excited that I had to go as soon as possible. I hit up my friend, David, and scheduled to go for breakfast on my next day off. It is located right next to Hay Merchant. There isn't a sign out yet but we figured it out. We arrived a little closer to lunch time because I tend to over sleep. I've head that they sell out sometimes so I was worried that would be the case since I tend to be unlucky. Fortunately, for me, they still had it! I ordered the Vietnamese Steak and Eggs with a vanilla latte. I normally don't drink coffee so I can't really say how it compares to other places but it was good. The food was just as I expected it to be. Everyone definitely wasn't wrong when they said it was really good.  I was surprised at how much I loved the bread. I mean you can't really go wrong with steak, eggs and amazing bread. The home made pate was amazing as well. It is a little on the expensive side for the portion you get but it tastes great. A must try for anyone in the Montrose area. Great hang out spot with coffee and friendly people.

Brooklyn Athletic Club

     Some how my photos got all mixed up and did not upload in the correct order. Oh well. Anyway, I had to pleasure to have great company go with me to Brooklyn Athletic Club. Danh informed me about this place and after looking over the menu, I had to try it. I haven't heard of it and did not know want to expect. We made a reservation for 6 the same day and they accommodated us very well for last minute. The inside of the restaurant is very small and cramped but makes for better conversation. We were placed underneath the TV in the back by the restroom. You can imagine that most of us were checking football scores and watching highlights while others were conversing. (I was one of the guys checking the scores)

     My overall impression of the place was good. Not great and not bad. We ordered the Mac & Cheese to share as well as the Pork Rillette. These were probably the two of the three highlights of the night. The Mac & Cheese had a nice consistency and flavor. It was not too strong and had just the right amount of cheese. The pork rillette was amazing. I really don't know how else to describe it so just go try it. Putting everything together on a small piece of crispy baguette to consume was tough but it tasted great. All the flavors came well together with the mix of sweet and savory. 

     The only problem I had with this place was the entrees were over priced. Two of us ordered the grilled sirlon with fries. Now, I was expecting something quite spectacular to be paying 25 dollars for steak and fries. I must say the steak was cooked to perfect temperature but it needed more seasoning. My fries were also not consistent in texture. A consensus was reached that both the burger and salads were good, but we would pass on the meatballs/pasta - due to the texture of the pasta.

     What was the third highlight of the night you ask? Well, it was the bread pudding! Amazing. Agreed by all.

     I really like the layout of the patio though. I didn't get to snap a picture but they had corn hole, ping pong, volleyball, and many other games. It was pretty much like an athletic club outside where you could enjoy a few drinks after a nice meal. 

All in all, I'd come back again to give it another shot but I'd probably go with the burger this time. 

No conversations needed.

Lights, Camera, Action.

Hiding.

Mac & Cheese

Pork Rillette

I got caught.

Steak and fries.

YSA's own Austin King!!!

Pappardelle and Meatballs

Bread Pudding

Another football onlooker.