Expectations

Originally this post was going to be about how I shouldn't have had high expectations for you.

And then I realized, you know what, I've grown as a person.

It isn't that I shouldn't have high expectations. Because it is true, high expectations can definitely lead to disappointment. It is high risk and high reward. That's how it will be in these situations that you're always wondering how the outcome will show.

It is about learning from these situations and hoping for the best. The outcome can always outweigh the means. Sometimes you just have to believe.

As much as I want to say I would've expected it, I was really hoping I wouldn't. Expectations lead to disappointment. But without expectations, you'll never get the chance to experience the opposite of something so great it'll make every failed attempt worth more.

I shouldn't be disappointed that things never change. I mean how can they when you don't want to grow up yourself? Accept the fact that disappointment is a part of your life that makes you stronger. That is what I have to do.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Long time

How long has it been since I posted a personal blog post? I could probably find out by looking but I'm just going to say it's been a while.


So I know that no one really reads about all my rambles and thoughts. My concerns. My problems. My life.


That's what it really is though. It is MY life. What does it all come down to? I live out what I want to live and do what I want to do.


What is it really all meant to be for? What am I really searching for? Is there really anything that all of us can hold on to and keep forever?


There's always all these never ending questions. Never ending answers. Just never ending searching. I want to be able to do so much. But at the end of it all, how much will I have actually done?


I want to be able to sit at a park and actually enjoy my time. Not worry about how hot it is. Not worry about if I'm being watched by some demon from another dimension. Not worry about if I have anything to do later that day. Not worry about looking behind my back to see if I'm going to get robbed.


It's weird how you worry about the stupidest things and yet it all seems so important at the same time.


I thought life was supposed to be simple? That stupid quote from Fast and Furious 3 was supposed to explain it all! "Life's simple. You make choices and you don't look back."


Right? RIGHT?!


Fuck.


It just seems like it isn't that simple. Who was I kidding when I wanted to base my entire life off a stupid line from a stupid movie (okay not really a stupid movie).


I miss a lot of simple things in life. And it sucks that it is so hard to recreate. You can't just ask for it to happen because then you look like an idiot.


I get joy in tweeting with someone back and forth on twitter. Waiting for someone to answer is so exciting.


I get joy from sitting in an empty parking lot blasting music and just chilling for hours.


I get joy from spending time with just people that make me happy.


I don't think I get to do that enough. I spend time with people that I think make me happy but in reality they really don't.


But the question is... who really makes me happy?


Ugh done with this rant.


Ending this post with some Drake.


"But jealousy is just love and hate at the same time."