I feel like I'm always trying to reinvent myself.
I am never really happy with where I am in life. There's always something I think I can change or do to make things more enjoyable or likable. At the end of the day, I'm a type of person where I want everyone to notice me, like me, and remember me. As conceited and shitty as it sounds, I am that person.
Maybe reinvent isn't the best word but I feel like I'm trying to change so someone will notice me for who I am and respect what I stand for as a person - my ideals, my thoughts, and my feelings.
I've never really fit in to a certain group. People can say that it's because I bounce from group to group but it isn't by choice. I always get situated into this amazing group of friends that I feel like I belong and then next thing you know, I realize I don't. Everyone I know has someone they grew up with and are best friends with forever. I've never had a person like that. There is only so much of a bond you can build with certain people. You can't expect something to form over a period of years that wasn't there to begin with. And that's my problem, I think. I keep expecting something amazing from my friends and how they will want to be my friend. When in reality, I just want them to be my friend.
When it comes down to it at the end of the day, I just feel like I don't belong. How many times do I have to bounce around till I can feel accepted? Maybe I don't need to do that when I reinvent myself. I'll be able to feel accepted by myself and other people will come to me.
Who knows.
/thoughtsofthedayover
